Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
