This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
