I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
