We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize