3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
