are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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