there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
