Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
