Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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