it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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