Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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