Christians are straight up FREAKS
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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