turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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