My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
