Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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