Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
