His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
