She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
