Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
