Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
