what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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