Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
