I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
