The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
