Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
