I think my vagina is haunted
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
