okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
