i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Vodka?
Forever.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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