so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
