So drunk its hurt
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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