I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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