I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
