therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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