He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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