My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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