K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
