I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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