sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
