Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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