your parents love me but you hate me
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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