I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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