i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
