I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
