That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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