My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
