I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
