I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
