it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize