Swine flu. Run for my life!
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
there is glitter all over my balls
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