He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
