I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
