I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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