I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
