I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
as a side note pls kill me
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize