do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I checked into jail on foursquare
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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