You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
