I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
