oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
