I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
