im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize