i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
