Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
