ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
