And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
