If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize