Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
