My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize