when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
