If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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