Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
